Decided to give Drunk Driving a try? Then you'll want to take advantage of our FREE financial advice to help you prepare for your new life of driving under the influence. Driving drunk can be expensive, but if you take the right steps now you can be well prepared for that day you see blue and red lights flashing in your rearview mirror!
6 STEPS FOR FINANCIAL FREEDOM AS A DRUNK DRIVER
STEP 1: Visit your local bank and invest in your future by taking out a small loan. Because you'll be driving drunk, you'll want to make sure you have at least $3000 in reserve to pay off the fines and fees you'll receive when you get charged with your felony DUI or misdemeanor DUI.
STEP 2: Take on a second job. This is an important step to help secure any drunk driver's financial future. After all, you don't want to go to jail for too long, so you better be able to afford a good lawyer. Fortunately, with your new second job, you'll be able to afford the $2500 going rate for a DUI lawyer.
STEP 3: Take out a second mortgage on your home. Don't worry, you won't even have to spend this extra money unless you get charged with vehicular manslaughter. When you're facing decades in prison, you'll want a really really really good lawyer.
STEP 4: Start shopping now for an insurance company that likes to insure high risk drunk drivers like yourself. We highly suggest you start putting $10 a day in your piggy bank to help cover the additional $300 a month you'll be paying in increased auto insurance premiums.
STEP 5: Cancel your cell phone plan. This is a tip only the very shrewd drunk driving investor knows about. You can put the money you save on your phone bill towards your new wheels: a new bus pass! Besides, after you get your DUI, you won't really be talking to your friends on a cell phone anymore - you get to use that special wall phone that let's you talk to your friends in the prison visiting room behind a 3" thick sheet of plexiglass.
STEP 6: Don't forget to notify all of your banks, credit cards, and other financial institutions about your new address at the state penitentiary. We wouldn't want you to be late on any of your new monthly payments.